Thursday, January 6, 2011

Self Portraits

Happy first blog post of 2011!! I'll post something more heartfelt once I have more time to sit down and write/think...but for now, some comedy.

I own a Mac, and I LOVE it. Love it, Love it, LOVE IT and it was worth every single over-priced penny! And one of my favorite features about my mac is the built-in camera! Being far from home for so long, this handy-dandy built-in camera made Skype very easy and made being away from loved ones a little bit easier. You may wonder, "What other use does the built-in camera have if you don't use Skype?" My friends, welcome to the wonderful world of self-portraits! Mac has a program called PhotoBooth which allows you to not only take pictures of yourself, but also gives you the option to take black & white photos, sepia photos, and can even make your pictures look like the art in comic books! And what else do I think to do when I'm bored and have my laptop sitting in front of me? Keep updated on current events? Email a friend or family member I haven't talked to in a while? Upload those pictures from last year to Facebook? NOPE. I find my dog and take self-portraits with my fabulous built-in camera. And while waiting for a text message about my plans for this evening, I tired from Facebook and deleting old emails so I tried to take some pictures of me and Elphie.

Now try to understand that taking self-portraits with Elphie, especially using the computer, is a hot mess. Dog hair in my mouth, wet nose marks on my computer, paw in my windpipe kind of hot mess. Elphie will hop up on the couch and lean up against me, and based on my current attire and the kind of hair day it is, I sometimes think that this pose will be a cute picture. W-r-o-n-g. The very second I click on PhotoBooth, she squirms. Her paws are now in my hips and my free arm is poorly attempting to restrain her from moving so that I might be able to capture the moment if she would just sit back down. Let me take you on a photo tour of my PhotoBooth collection.

This was in the very early stages of experimenting with computer/human/animal self-portraits. A once-cute picture of Elphie laying on my stomach was ruined by her *sudden* urge to stand on my stomach, leaving me without air and baffled, as you can clearly see in Exhibit A.
Exhibit A

Throughout the bordem, I tried to think of clever ways to snag a good shot of the two of us. Here in Exhibit B, Elphie looks adorable, but I look...well...bored. Any viewer can also easily count the wrinkles in my forehead in my feeble attempt to get in the same shot with the dog.
Exhibit B

Now here, in Exhibit C, I have gotten a little smarter and realized that if I want her to sit still in a shot, then I need to partially restrain her. Somehow, I got her interested enough in the computer for her to actually look and stay, but me? I've got a shit-eating grin on my face because I think I finally won. It wasn't until after I let her go, that I realized half my head was chopped off and the underwear on the wall in my apartment (a long story for another time) is visible. This is not a picture I can send home to dad. Elphie: 3 Me: 0.
Exhibit C

I WIN!...for the most part. In Exhibit D, Elphie is immobile, my entire face is in the picture, and it could have only been better if she was looking at the computer. Finally! (And the peasants rejoice!)
Exhibit D

But, as you can see from this evening's picture, Exhibit E, the battle for a good self-portrait is ongoing and chaotic.
Exhibit E

Here's to a New Year full of good pictures of my pup and me.